My friend and massage therapist, Sherry Steed, hosted a seminar on the "Healing Power of Forgiveness." She had several people volunteer to share their stories with the group. My friend Jan Hanson wanted to go also. Although it was an all day event we were able to attend for about 2 hours. We were privileged to hear from Lawrence Barlow and Dr. Jeffry O'Driscoll. I just loved the event! We left uplifted and inspired. I felt like I had been in the presence of very great people. I plan to go to the next event and hopefully bring along Morgan.
Lawrence grew up with a violent father. He and his siblings had suffered torture at his hand. He was also a part of Warren Jeff's polygamous group. As a young man he gave himself a fitting affirmation: I am a warrior of peace. He decided that all the violence would stop in his generation. We could tell even in this beginning part of his story that he was a very strong yet soft spoken man with a firm and righteous resolve. He recently left the FLDS group after the group separated him from his family for some time.
When Lawrence was 14 years old he worked at a fire station. He was in charge of answering the red phone. One day when it rang he answered to a young child calling for help. His father was beating his mother. They told him he was now a witness to a crime and was sworn to secrecy. When he went home his mother could tell that something was wrong. She took him into a room, locked the door, and demanded that he tell her what happened. He was so young and so burdened by this traumatic event. After swearing his mother to secrecy, he told her the situation.
The next morning one of his sisters came into his room and started beating him up for "telling such horrible lies about a priesthood holder." From the reading that I've done this is not unexpected in the Warren Jeffs group. Lawrence found out that there were a few other people in the room when his mother told the secret. Lawrence said with sadness, "That was the last time I was able to trust my mother." What a painful past.
He married when he was 21 years old to Markey. (or Mary Kay?) He has since been married 22 years. He's had 10 children, including triplets. One of the triplets didn't survive and he also lost another child. He's a paramedic.
For some reason he was "exiled" from the Warren Jeffs group. Sometimes a person is sent off into the world to "repent" for a time. While his family lived in southern Utah he was working in the northern end of the state. He felt broken. He came across a woman of hispanic origin with piercings. This is the kind of woman that would have been outcasted among the people of the Warren Jeffs group. But Lawrence looked at her and for a moment saw past the cultural curtain. He said he saw for the first time, a sould. And Christlike love. I suppose this was a turning moment for him. Things were not exactly as he thought they were!
He came to the brink of suicide. When he asked the Lord why did he have to experience this, he received an answer, "So that you could experience compassion." He recalled times when others experienced the same situation. Now he could understand what it was like. I think this happens to a lot of people. I remember the terrible pit of being depressed. It's one of those things that almost can't be described. It has to be experienced to completely understand.
Lawrence said yet another profound thing. "I don't have the capacity to judge righteously." This rang true to me. When people disappoint me, perhaps I just don't understand them completely. It's easy to judge, but I am not capable to judging righteously.
While Lawrence was in exile he started hearing a voice during the afternoon at work. He later found out that his wife had had a stroke and was on life support. It had been his wife visiting him while she was in spirit.
He drove the 5 hours south to meet his wife at the hospital. Family member that had been turned against him crowded around the bed to barricade his wife. (Another weird thing about the Warren Jeffs group.) He went around and held her hand and called to her. She woke up and responded that she in fact did want him there. It was that moment when her spirit returned to her body from an experience with a spirit guide.
This was a changing moment for the Warren Jeffs community. Lawrence decided that he would never leave his family again. Other families followed suit and decided to defy orders and stay with their families rather than submit to exile.
The community now has their first female, and first non-FLDS mayor. Lawrence has been appointed to a position of the city counsel.
He says, his future is brighter than his past.
Other thoughts from his talk:
Manifest the best day of your life.
This is not who they are. They will also hit a brick wall.
To wife Markey who is still recovering from a stroke and learning to function: God performed a miracle in yoru life. He left a key in your hand to the the hearts of many with your experience. Don't curse it.
Who am I?
Everything we are going through, others have gone through. We experience a lot of the same things.
My life is enriched and I am prepared to serve. (Remarkable coming from him, with a life of so much sadness.)
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Dr. Jeff O'Driscoll is an LDS doctor that works at the ER at Utah State Hospital. He's had many spiritual experiences and conversed with spiritual beings. He came across as a very intellectual man with a passion and deep understanding for the scriptures. He's written at least 2 books and has another one on the way. I'm looking forward to reading his books.
First thing that Jeff mentioned was from Lawrence's talk. Markey, while in spirit, asked if she had to go back. She was answered that she did not have to go back, but she had to choose. We are given agency and it is highly respected.
Sometimes when we have an angelic visitor they will not give their message until they are asked to do so. Jeff said that the three questions it is a good idea to pose these three questions: Who are you? Why are you here? and What would you have me do? These questions will help you to get the most out of your experience.
Jeff Olsen is a man who had a near death experience from having a car accident. Jeff O'Driscoll met him when he was brought in to his hospital after his accident. The doctor saw Olsen's wife Tamara in spirit in the room with him.
One time when Jeff was just coming on duty, there was an old woman being resuscitated in the ER. While he was preparing for his shift he heard her call for help. It was her spirit. Jeff went over to her and touched her leg. All the while there were lots of people around her trying to bring her back to life. Her spirit asked Jeff, "May I go?" Jeff gave her a very thoughtful answer in his mind, "If you feel like your work is done then yes, I think it is okay for you to go." He saw her spirit get up, stay for just a moment longer, thank him, and then leave. I'm so very glad he shared this beautiful experience with us. It was so powerful to me.
Then he shared a few tips on how to invite spiritual experience such as this into your own life. In order to have more spiritual experiences, be willing to receive them. Writing down your experience helps to be prepared to receive more. This shows your willingness. He shared another experience where a spiritual being came to give him a blessing. He waited for Jeff to write the first part of the blessing and continued only after he had done so.
Other thoughts from the Jeff's talk:
People are too stuck in what "worthiness" means.
Jesus said, "Your sins are forgiven you."
Repentance and forgiveness, while connected, should not be so tangled up. One does not require the other.
Jeff brought up a great point about repentance. Repentance can sometimes be a gift to others. It can be difficult to forgive. But when you repent, it can be a gift to others to allow them to forgive you.
Lord's prayer talks about forgiveness. Not repentance.
Give forgiveness to others. Even in advance. It can change a life. Perhaps it should be spelled "fore-giveness."
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Joel is a friend of a friend. We called him to get our carpet replaced. He was bad at communicating with us and rude when we brought up a problem. I felt so angry and frustrated at him. I was overwhelmed with negative feelings toward him. I considered firing him just to have another problem come up. I really needed to get my mind off of him and the problems at hand. I took the kids to see Incredibles 2. It was great. Movies are a great way to reset my mind and get my mind off of problems. We actually went twice in 1 day - it was that bad!
I understand that I am not able to judge righteously. Even though Joel's interaction with us was deplorable, I understand that I did not know what other things were happening to him at the time. I could tell that the wires were not connected right in his head. I imagine that he was doing right by him. If I can give him the benefit of the doubt it is easier for me to forgive him.
There were good things that came from this experience. I really enjoyed being outside. We hung out in the garage on the couches and enjoyed the breeze while being comfy in the shade. Sleeping outside on our mattress for 3 nights rather than the planned 1 time was fun for the kids and not a bad experience. Our friends got to reconnect with their friend Sargent Ricky Dumont.
There were lots of negatives. But I don't want to write about them because I do not want to focus on them. I'm trying to get over them. Writing down the good helps me focus on the good. My life is a reflection of my thoughts and what I focus on will grow.
